Nocturnal Adventures

Nocturnal Adventures!!!

Some of you may know this already but,

I...sleepwalk. (Somnambulism)

It used to not happen a lot, but recently it has been happening more and more often.

Sleep walking normally happens between phases one and two of NREM sleep. 

Or if life hates you and wants to screw with you....

So here are a few stories of things I have been found doing whilest asleep.

A few times, Jen has woken up and found me sitting upright on the side of the bed

mumbling nonsense. She kindly pulls me back in bed and that's it. 

Other times have not been so lucky.

Jen once found me standing in the living room leaning against the wall with my head. 

Apparently I was also eating a pickle.

Jen also found me standing in the doorway to the kitchen just standing thee awkwardly. She says I looked possessed and that I looked right at her but didn't recognize her. Like I was just looking at her. Apprently I had a really scary facial expression. She was a little scared until

I walked right into a wall.... with force.

These all happened to a few months ago. But the last couple weeks has been more active.

I woke myself up during the encounter and this is how I found myself...

I woke up sitting at the computer desk with a hand full of goldfish crackers.

I woke up sitting on the oven eating a granola bar.

Last night, I woke up standing in the bathroom with a cup of water. Seems innocent enough,

but the I had was the cup that Jen uses to catch her urine to check for ovulation surges...

I still don't know how much if any water I drank from her pee cup.

The best story happened a few years ago. My sleepwalking usually coincides with stress,

and if you know much about Our dating life, you would know there were some stressful situations.

So I was wicked stressed with work and Jen and such one night when I laid to sleep wearing my normal pajamas of just my underwear. 

 A little while later I was slowly waking up in a totally different place and in a totally different situation.

Things started to dawn on my little by little starting with my feet and working their way up.

I realized I was now wearing slippers and that my feet were cold and wet. 

I was also wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirts, only my shorts were only pulled halfway up.

I looked around and saw that I was outside somewhere and no idea where I was.

I then realized I was squatting, IN A POND up to my calves.

And the reason my shorts were only half way up was because...

I WAS POOPING!!!.

So I finished up my business and decided to figure out where the heck I was. There was just barely enough moon out (No pun intended) to make out a house in front of me. It was my neighbors house, and even though my family owned beach rights to the pond, the neighbor hated it when we walked through her backyard to get to the pond.

I wonder how she would have felt about me defecating back there....

Anywho, I made way back home and went back to sleep.

I told my brother Josh about the experience and after a good laugh became pretty worried about it. So he made me start putting a big wooden arm chair in front of my door at night. A few nights later I woke up on all fours trying to push the chair out of the way with my head, 

like I was a triceratops or something. 

Those are pretty much the best stories.

What Ive learned from this is that whatever you can do awake, you can do asleep. 

Eating, driving, cooking, using knives (which is what scares Jen the most). 

It may seem funny and I do have some funny stories, 

but its pretty dangerous and is really scary and freaky when you wake up and realize what has happened.